


Lonely Moonlight (Ryden)

by Soft_And_Soaked_In_Pain



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Breakup, Brendonurie, Fanfiction, Heartbreak, M/M, Memories, Oneshot, Rooftops, Ryden, Rydon, Sad, ryanross
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 13:05:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15049676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soft_And_Soaked_In_Pain/pseuds/Soft_And_Soaked_In_Pain
Summary: I’ll hide underneath my bed; waiting for a sign of life, a reason to breathe.





	Lonely Moonlight (Ryden)

The sunset’s bright on the horizon. It’s painted in breathtaking shades of red, sweet shades of orange, and soft shades of yellow.

It’s a perfect contrast to the way I feel. So bright, illuminated, and sharp. 

I’m sketched in blurry lines.  
I’m blurry. Hard to read, hard to understand. 

I light a cigarette, bringing it to my lips.   
Old habits die hard.

I take a long drag, exhaling smoke.   
That’s what I am. Smoke.

I’m smoke, blurry, barely understood. I’m smoke, everywhere and nowhere all at once. I’m smoke, a mere product of what’s needed.

Each drag, each exhale of smoke, each thought of you. It’s all just like it was before. It’s exactly how it was then.   
Except this time, I’m alone. On this rooftop, in this world. And you’re living your life. You’re creating things that are all your own.   
Without me.

You and I will never again be. You and I, we’re... out of place. We’re strangers in our own heads, you and I. We never realized how true this is. We never realized how little we know about ourselves. 

And I knew more about you than you ever will. I know more about you than I do myself. And you, you’re just the same under all the glitter. You’re the same boy you were then. The same boy I loved.  
Except you’re no boy, you’re a man now. You’ve grown on me. And sometimes I feel I know you not. But, then I look at what you’re doing and it brings a smile to my chapped lips to know you’re just the same. 

And me, well. I want to drown in my words, be impaled by my poems and hung by my songs. I want to fall off the face of the earth, so that I may never again miss your skin. 

I want to hide underneath my bed like a child, forget how to breathe. I want to fall on my jump to conclusions, want to be decapitated by metaphors, torn apart by similes and destroyed by rhyme.

I want to scream at the wind at the top of my lungs, scream ‘I love you’ and hope that you’ll hear. 

I want to hide from myself and the piano, as it watches me like prey. I want to tear out my voice in hopes that I’ll never again dream to sing. 

And I’ll let the years speak for themselves whilst I hide like the child I never got to be. And then you’ll realize you ruined me, with your words and your smile an your eyes. With your tears and your memories and your laugh. 

And the piano, it’s staring me in my face, telling me to grow up. But oh, how growing up has wronged us. 

I take the last drag of my cigarette; let it fall off the balcony. And I’ll grow up just like you want me to. I’ll continue to hide underneath my bed; waiting for a reason to breathe. 

And oh, I’ll forget to breathe, I’ll forget your name and my own.   
And I’m blurry. I’m young. I’m hiding like a child. 

Waiting for a letter, a call, a sign of life. Maybe I’m still loved. A stranger, a lover, a friend of mine. The cards you have been dealt.   
And I’ll know when the time is right.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This is something I wrote and actually enjoyed. Leave kudos if you like, and please comment.


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